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Why is it, the authors ask, that all the great romances of literature and film end tragically ... for the heroine? Surely there must be a way for love to flourish without some poor unfortunate woman throwing herself in front of a train, giving in to consumption, being dumped, or settling for Mr. Not-So-Right. The result of these musings is a wildly funny and enlightening retelling of twelve classics, including Gone With the Wind, Wuthering Heights, The Thorn Birds, Casablanca, The Scarlet Letter, and, of course, Romeo and Juliet. In each, the romantic heroes have learned to behave like responsible adults, actually doing a little relationship work, and can be heard making such statements as "Frankly, Scarlett, I do give a damn. Let's go back to your place. I'll cook you a nice dinner, I'll lay a fire, and, with your consent, we can make passionate love, during which I will be as concerned with your pleasure as my own. Then while you nap, I will wash the dishes and prepare a light, healthy snack to restore our expended energy.". Finally, the record has been set straight and our beloved heroines are awarded with the love they so richly deserve.