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Hooter Pridley didn't stand a chance. One look at ''Miss June'' Trixie Foxalot posing seductively in her lime green bikini and he was smitten. He couldn't bring himself to turn the calendar page, even as the months flew by. His destiny was clear, or as clear as it gets for ''a water bug skittering across the surface of thought.'' Jumping into his 1970s Barracuda, Hooter begins a redneck odyssey across the West, leaving mountainless Sterling, Colorado, to search for the pinup girl of his dreams. On the way to LA, he meets a number of unforgettable characters and relies on his plucky spirit and folksy wisdom to propel him along. Fast-paced and sidesplittingly funny, If Every Month Were June is Tony Bender at his satirical best.